Defeated & frusterated — warming: major venting — i apologize already…i just need this today

So we have been battling a few things with Violet lately.  While she has had a few nights where she has slept all night long I almost feel like this is a curse.  She is not feeling well.  The girls have a cold.  Mine is better, Grace is a little better now it has hit Violet.   I fear the only reason she is sleeping is because she is not feeling well and it’s her bodies way of trying to feel better.  The other more prolonged thing that we have been battling is her ears.  We have been watching her left ear for a while, the tube had moved and it seemed like she was constantly pushing at that hearing aid — now right ear is plugged and the ear tube is falling out.

Tomorrow we will see ENT and probably get the tubes taken out the rest of the way so they stop bugging her.  Then we need to discuss where we go from hear.  I did discover that there is another kind of tube they can put in – this one is supposed to last a little longer.  I knew when we got the tubes there was 1) No guarantee they would work at all 2) They may not last long  -they could fall out at any time.  I know I should just be grateful for how long they lasted and the fact that we haven’t had to deal with any ear infections while we have had them but we are heading into cold & flu season without ear tubes on a child is historically had a ton of infections.

I feel defeated, frustrated & sort of tired of doctors…I know…NO time to get tired of doctors but seriously!  I don’t see this being a good time for ear tubes to not work!  Why is it every time something starts to go right for baby Violet…something else happens?

I just continue to cling onto my verse…He has a plan…a plan greater than all this…but sometimes I just get so annoyed!

I am so tired of people who really don’t have a clue as to what I go through on a daily basis trying to pretend like they care or understand…YOU DON”T HAVE A CLUE!  (Disclaimer: not saying everyone who I encounter I feel this way about – but there are some people I just want to punch in the face – yes…anger stage of grieving) Because right now… I HATE HOLLAND!  My little mystery baby who no one has the answers for anything.  I don’t have the answers.  There was nothing I could do today to console her and those are the days that I hate the most. 

If my day with Violet wasn’t enough then something happened with Grace and she was disappointed with a situation and that breaks my heart too.  It was nothing we could control but still hurts. 

But tomorrow is another day and we will go to bed and wake up when we do and start all over, because that is what we do.  We don’t hold onto the disappointment or frustration…just get up, pick our heads up and move forward.  There is no really reason to hold on to what we can’t control.

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